Thursday, May 29, 2008

Nintendo Super Squad

OK so I needed to back off for a bit and cool down.

Actually, the thing that I actually needed to do was to just kick off my shoes (could they be cowboy boots?) and just enjoy a good healthy laugh. You see, when I did the thing where I said I was quitting the business, that was April Fool's Day. It was a joke, because if I were to stop reviewing the worst of the worst, then that would be a grim day, and someone who I don't like would probably get elected. Nothing brings out the voters like voting against a quitter.

But I had to stay away for a while (even though I associated great pain with the idea) because if I had let it be a short joke, then my April Fool joke would not be a very good joke. It would be flat. That's not something that I want. That's not something that you want either. In order for me to tell the best joke that could be told, I needed to give it some time to sink in, that way everybody could get stressed about it and maybe that would help them lose weight.

But the fact is, the joke is over and it is time to stop laughing or you are going to look ridiculous when the weather starts clearing up.

Speaking of weather, who knows "weather" Nintendo Super Squad is a good comic?


(I know that it is not a good comic)

So what's left after we use process of elimination to eliminate it maybe being a good comic?


If you don't believe me, then I guess the proof is in the plumbing. And oh boy is this plumbing leaky. This plumbing is so leaky that if you tried to store information about an upcoming Harry Potter book in it, then boy oh boy would you have some disappointed fans as a man in a pinstriped suit rode around in the back of a convertible like in a parade with a megaphone yelling out which characters were going to die, and what was going to happen to Harry Potter.

If you don't think that's leaky plumbing, then I guess you really are a lost cause. Everybody knows that the endings to Harry Potter books are kept very secret.

So what's the big deal then? Why am I reviewing this comic?

Because some foxy lady won a contest, and then didn't try to seduce me (that was a test and she passed.)

Want to know what I really, really hate about this comic? Of course you do! Because you secretly hope that I will agree with what you hate.

The first thing that I hate is this strip.

The second thing is this strip.

The third thing is this strip.

If I were to write out a list of all the things that I hate about Nintendo Super Squad, then there would be a list 102 different things that I hate, and all of them would be strips from the archive of this comic. That's every strip. 102 strips, and I hate every single one.

See the thing that I hate is actually not the premise of the strip, and it's not the characters of the strip either. It's not the art, and it's not the web site, and it's not the way that you know what one of the characters is thinking when his eyes go wide, and you see into his brain almost, and it's not the feeling I get in my bladder area when I read it that tells me I may never urinate again. It's not the style, and it's not the topics, and it's not the obvious right wing bias, and it's not the spelling errors that seem to happen whenever things get hairy. It's not the tone, and it's not all the Freudian stuff, and it's not the smell of an old grandfather clock that wafts out of my monitor uniquely when I am reading Nintendo Super Squad.

What I hate is every individual installment on its own in a unique way.

Can I say why? I wouldn't be much of a reviewer if I could!

I can't tell you why because you wouldn't ever get a chance to explore, and that's bad for your exploring and your ideas about exploring.

I will show you. Through dance.

The first thing I want to tell you is that I did actually do all of these moves. I actually was able to do all of that because I am in shape. Since I had to lie low from blogging for my big joke, I was able to find more time for another hobby of mine; working out. Since I did that, I am now very, very buff, believe me. I thought that I was buff before, but now I have taken a turn for the super-buff. Expect to see me soon in your field of vision because my muscles will be so big that they can be viewed from anywhere in the world.

Secondly, I want to remind you all that dance moves can be copyrighted. This dance is copyrighted, and if you steal it then that is against the law. Do not perform my dance for profit or for any reason at all. The only reason that you are allowed to perform these moves is if you feel the same way as I do about Nintendo Super Squad, and this is the only way that you can express yourself about it.

Thirdly I want to apologize for the fact that some of my moves may have been a little bit provocative. I tried to keep it PG 13, but I'm afraid that some of those moves are very bad for kids. I could not keep it family friendly because my rage at Nintendo Super Squad is very unfriendly to the American family, and I needed to get that one out of my system. If it bothers you, then I know a place where if you mail them an empty envelope, they will send it back to you with a free cigar in it. Maybe that would help in the long run.

Fourthly, I want you to know that this dance is my gift to Nintendo Super Squad (even though I still own the copyright.) Learn from it, or you will be forced to repeat your mistakes.

+-((@@-+-Sonty Mick-+-@@))-+