Saturday, November 3, 2007

The Non-Adventures of Wonderella

Now there are pits that people can sink into, and sometimes people sink so low that they make bad webcomics. I can think of a few examples, and you've probably read a few of my world famous blogs about them. Sometimes, though, a comic sinks so low that it could limbo under a very low limbo stick with very little effort, and sometimes without even trying. Low enough to work on the engine of a car without any jacks. Low enough that if it were a sound frequency it would make a dog bark loudly and then put its chin on its paws.

That low is known as The Non-Adventures of Wonderella. I've seen it before, and I tucked it behind my ear for later, and now it's later and I'm ready to open up a can.

Let's see, what's wrong with Wonderella...So many things...Where to start...

Well the first thing that I noticed was that the characters remind me of an art collector who buys an ancient chariot even though the original makers did not intend to make art. They are all trying to accomplish goals, but we never really see anything surface. It's like they're living in a world that is actually smaller than our world. In fiction, it's important to really create a sense of largeness, and I just don't feel anything here except maybe LARDness.

What kind of jokes will you find in Wonderella? Horrible jokes. I understand that if you don't think that they are bad, that might be a matter of taste, but what if having bad taste were fatal? I guess you'd be doing some deathbed repenting, wouldn't you? You'd probably have a funeral.

In order to write Wonderella, a person would have to get into an accident in which they got run over by a car, and the muffler hit them just right in the head so that they lost their memory for a while, and when they got it back they realized that they didn't like their identity, but then when they tried to build a new life they were ostracized, and to get revenge they made people read this comic.

That's right. I called Wonderella a paradox. I guess we'd better have a funeral, huh?

Jeepers.

I haven't even got to the setting. It's about superheroes. (oooh)

A superhero is a person who has abilities that make him or her more powerful than a regular person. They have the ability to perform amazing feats.

And what's a supervillain? Surprise surprise. It's exactly the same thing, only evil. (whatever that means)

Good work Wonderella. Wow. What an idea. I almost care enough to learn the names of your characters. But I guess I won't, so I guess I won't be crying at your funeral.

The artwork chooses not to even resemble what I would want it to look like at all. It looks like artwork that was made by an undergraduate medical student who thought he'd like to try drawing art, and when he did, he was pretty happy with the results, but later he drove himself to improve, and after a while, he decided he didn't want to be in medicine anymore.

Later in life, he saw someone choking at a bar, and he was going to have to perform a throat surgery of some kind, but he couldn't, because he had given up medicine.

Summary: This comic is so bad, that by making it, Justin Pierce, the author, is letting people die in bars.

And he's not even going to their funerals. (Sorry I keep talking about funerals here, but I went to one last week, and I can't stop thinking about them. How did they get started, anyway?)

Wonderella is, without doubt, one of the best reasons to shut off your computer, and then turn it on again, instead of just rebooting like a regular person would. It's like a bad case of the blues. It's like finding a thumb in a burger. It's like going to the gym, and finding out that somebody deflated all the basketballs.

You just can't get away with this stuff. That's why Wonderella will never be adapted into a bestselling novel. And if that's the case why don't we just call up the coroner, rent a hearse, get an expensive gravestone, sent a note to all the relatives, get out our best black clothes, and have a funeral.

Yes, let's have a big funeral for Wonderella.

Rest in peace, Wonderella.

Boo hoo hoo.

-+((~~~~~~SoNtY MiCk~~~~~~))+-

157 comments:

Paul S. said...

you are the reason nobody takes blogging seriously.

thanks for ruining it

the sick monty said...

ha ha you are the worst blogger ever you only got one comment on this one!

maybe this comic really does suck because no one even read your dumb ugly review with its hairy smelly face. wonderella is probably actually good and you don't even know because you are too busy being so ugly face dumb butt stink.

Sonty Mick said...

I'm not doing this for the comments, Sick Monty. I'm doing this because it's the outpouring of a deep deep feeling.

Get well soon.

peets said...

"ugly face dumb butt stink."

wut?

I enjoyed reading your post. You were referred by terrorisland.net.

Maybe rename your blog to "theses webcomics (esp. their fans) are so bad" or something of the sort

Zan of the Jungle said...

Sound frequencies that dogs react to are high, not low. Dog whistles are at a pitch higher than humans can hear... not lower.

Raven said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

You know, for some reason this tickled me immensely. Maybe just because I was linked here from a Wonderella issue.
I wish there was a real, reputable webcomic hater, so that they couldn't populate their own wikipedia pages with insipid Comixpedia "this is good. everything is good." crap.

Mark said...

I don't get it.

Steve Ford said...

Sorry I'm late - I was looking back through Wonderella's archives and found a link here. Thanks for the pointers to some of the best strips - I needed a good laugh.

Anonymous said...

OMFG.STFU.USOB. Usually people have credentials before they begin to criticize other people's creativity. I don't think Mad TV, or Saturday Night Live is funny, but that doesn't make them horrible programs. I don't criticize them because their humor doesn't fancy mine. Keep your opinions to yourself.

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count-fenring said...

First: I understand that you apparently have a mad hate-on for superheroes, but Wonderella is pretty clearly satire on the superhero genre. This means that your "Oooooh" just comes off as you being naive or sloppy.

The artwork chooses not to even resemble what I would want it to look like at all.
Well, fine. You don't like the style. However, the lines are clean, the objects and people are recognizable and recognizably different, and the coloring is technically competent. Your statements on its quality, on the other hand, lack any mention of actual problems you have with it: they're just hyperbolic rants with no criticism to back it up. In fact, take that sentence, and apply it to the whole entry.

If you don't like the art style, that's your business. If absurdist satire leaves you cold, that's fine. But if you're going to set up a blog to criticize webcomics, you do need to do actual critical thinking and writing, if you don't want to continue embarrassing yourself.

cilia said...

Wow, trying really hard to be edgy, aren't we.

Just cause you don't happen to like it doesn't mean its bad. That might just mean that you have a bad taste, and you need to understand taste before you can make a blog like this and keep a straight face.

Way to fail.

Anonymous said...

This is a joke, right?

Anonymous said...

If you had even a tiny fraction of the writing skill that Justin does, I might take you seriously. But you don't. Your metaphors are mixed and bland. Your tone is conflated and bathetic. Please, eat a dick, and stop polluting the already dross-heavy blogosphere.

Anonymous said...

Yes, it is a joke. You notice how he doesn't actually critique anything specific? He often reviews good/well-liked comics on here, I guess to make the readers mad? It's a humor blog but not a good one; personally I'm getting tired of the Internet's abundance of bad satire.

Cementron said...

What? Are you implying Wonderella sucks? NO! VIBRANOX DISAGREES!

Anonymous said...

Is it just me, or did anyone else here the voice of the Simpson's Comic Book Guy while reading this?

Anonymous said...

My god you whine a lot. If you don't like it, don't read it. If other people like it then they can read it. Your sad little review does nothing. Really, just stop crying like a little girl whose ice cream has just fallen in the sand.

Anonymous said...

Reasonable critque, I was especially interested in the 'by drawing this Justin Pierce lets people die in bars' quip - I thought I detected a 'medicine' flavour to the comic but I didn't know about the former med student thing. I actually like it, but I'm totally ready for a good a humourous opinion: especially if it's negative.

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