For this, and other reasons, I feel pensive, but also a little bit sexy to be giving all of you a brand new review of a comic that I have read, and that I have found particularly awful. This comic is one that you may not have heard of, so I will tell you the title: Bear and Kitten.
Now I'm sure that warning flags have gone up in your heads right off the bat on this one. How would a comic about a bear and a kitten be interesting??? Well, if you have the talent and experience that I have, it's not too hard to think of a few ways:
- The bear and the kitten could be lovers who are not allowed to wed, because one of them is an arctic princess.
- The kitten could, in a surprising reversal of expectations, devour the bear. Possible ending scene of kitten hitchhiking to Vegas. Jack Black makes a guest appearance.
- The bear and kitten are drug dealers in a future where drugs are legal and are sold out in the open with spectators watching.
- Something like Gilligan's Island, but with a sci-fi twist where they are stuck in a small room.
- The bear is an actor. The kitten is a director who tries to pressure the bear into doing comedy b/c the bear looks like Jack Black.
- The bear looks like Jack Black and there are a lot of misunderstandings because the kitten mistakes him for Jack Black.
The kitten in this comic is not a real kitten; it does not leap after a bird that just came to get a bath. It is a kitten that begins to be decorative, but ends when the going gets tough. The bear is more true to life, but in more of an animatronic, banjo-playing kind of way. The kind where you want to take off your hat just to remind yourself what the inside of it looks like.
I've done that before.
If I were a king of a feudal state, and everyone else was in that time period, I would definitely let Andy (the author of Bear and Kitten) be a baron of some kind, not because I like his comics, but because I think that he would be good at that. After all, I did hear him called a "Baron of Webcomics" in a dream. Then later on in the dream I promised myself that it was true.
When I read this comic, I honestly wonder how Jack Black must feel when he's expected to take all these blah movies with OK premises and bring them to life with his energy, and his ability to be like that guy we all know. If there was somehow a Jack Black of the webcomics world who went around starring in all of the webcomics that needed an extra bit of oomph, then maybe more webcomics would be worthy of the big screen.
Can you imagine that? A big screen that instead of movies shows webcomics? Unbelievable! I'd want to see it! You can bet your bargains!
However, since scrolling down is a little easier than scrolling sideways, most really long comics are more vertical than horizontal. That wouldn't really work with the average theater.
You'd need some sort of exra-tall screen.
More on that later...
These characters seem to have serious problems with identifying themselves. I think that if they had to pick themselves out of a police lineup, they'd order coffee. That's not a cheeky way of saying that they have identity problems, that's a promise. And a promise unkept is like an eel that you can't catch. It's like missing dinner because you couldn't hunt eels. It's like crying.
So here's what I think that Bear and Kitten could do to improve: Change the comic. Give it an overhaul. You could even improve it by just adding some simple changes to the whole archive:
(You may have to zoom in to see it all, but it's SO much better.)
And now that I've gotten done with that, back to that tall-screen movie theater I was talking about. This is my vision about what movie theaters will look like in the future:
OK, so the review part of this post is over, I'd like to just let you all know that I won a few awards today. No big deal, you know. Just some awards for being so good at blogging.
The first one is the Third Attempt Award for Outstanding Blogging. I have been hoping to win this award for quite some time now, and I feel like I really deserved it. Here is the plaque that came with the award:
I also won the Outstanding Weblog Reviewing in Weblog Comic Reviewing: Sponsored by Steve Award. It is a very prestigious award, and I am actually the first person in the world who has ever been good enough to win it. I guess that says a few things about my blog... This image came with the award, and it's pretty amazing:
So as you can see, I have been serious all this time when I have said that this is an award winning blog. I am honored to have these awards, and I will add them to my growing collection. I am a very busy guy when it comes to winning awards.