I don't know how I do it.
I surprise myself sometimes.
I've come up with a new review concept today, and I'm hoping that I can kick it off in this post and give you all just a little touch of astonishment as I transcend utilitarian blogging, and actually make it more of an art form. I am going to do this by just writing just a little bit of poetry. Read this poem that I wrote, and then maybe check and see if you can tell what comic I am reviewing today:
She is independent, and she looks
To another place not her own
She is to nature as a man to his loyal dog
Who squats by his side and is uneasy.
Who can give me a taste of this?
You can only give me a breath
And that's the breath that dies out
When I see that you are a waste
And I give you nothing.
OK, do you have anything that resembles an idea what I'm talking about? Think hard. There are clues in there.
I'm talking about Gunnerkrigg Court.
Gunnerkrigg Court is a comic that has court in the name, but it's not the kind of court that you would think. Well, I think it's time that somebody took Gunnerkrigg Court to court to have a trial and see if it's a bad comic. Maybe it will even be sentenced to prison.
OK, now let's open up this case. (raps with gavel on circle of wood). Now I know that there are people out there who will tell you things like that Gunnerkrigg is something that mankind should not be ashamed of. Perhaps you've even seen them on an internet forum, or in a booth together at your local pizza restaurant. They might have even looked at you, and you might have even wondered if you knew them. This is normal. A lot of people don't know how to react to certain social situations. That's what they base shows like Candid Camera off of.
Exhibit A: Gunnerkrigg Court is made by Tom Siddell. It's always unnerving to find out the name of the parent behind the name that you already know. For instance: You all know Taco Bell and Pizza Hut, and some of you may even have heard of KFC, but did you know that they are owned by a parent company called "Yum"? It's not what you'd expect, is it? It's kind of a dry feeling in your mouth, isn't it? It kind of makes fast food taste like sand.
Where to start...where to start...
Let's try the beginning. As you can see, this is typical comic fare. A girl and some black shadows. I guess we won't be calling the newspapers and asking them to change the headlines to something about Gunnerkrigg Court, huh? Looks like we'll be leaving this one for the ravens.
Exhibit B: The main character is a girl who is all at once ordinary, tenacious, fearful, understated and on-edge. Wow, nice move, Tom (not). That really works. It looks like he just took a character that would fit into an office comic like Dilbert and then made her younger and put her in a different setting where she didn't have the proper dynamic. Is this the kind of character who you want to see on a mousepad, but not saying something about coffee? I sure don't, and you probably don't either. This is some really good evidence in the case against Gunnerkrigg Court. I have a feeling the defense attorney won't be objecting to that statement!
Exhibit C: The art in this comic is OK, but it never gives me the kinds of feelings that I get when I'm driving alone and I hum to myself softly because I can't be absolutely certain if there's nobody in the back seat, so I don't want to go all out and sing, because what if there is someone, and I just forgot? In the face of this strong evidence, I think that we may need to consider that Gunnerkrigg Court may be very guilty.
Now let's cross examine the witness: Her best friend is another girl and she has dark hair. Why is it that sidekicks like her always have dark hair? I have seen it in at least two other comics, but I don't have time to list them here. Do your own research for once, it won't kill you. It might even give you a good reason to stop off at the library. While you're there, even if you don't like books, they will probably have some movies.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, there is also a living shadow that is alive. That's basically like saying that a child's thimble can be alive, come on, people! Plus there is a robot, which is something that you wouldn't expect in a comic like this, but it has to be there. Whatever. I can't argue with that, because you can't argue with that kind of incompetence. You can only argue against it. ;)
Not that it's uncool to be bald, but robots are pretty much always bald.
Who could ever live in a world like the one in this comic? If this happened in real life, we could all die.
Do you want to die?
Then don't read Gunnerkrigg Court!
I rest my case!
OK, now it's time for the verdict...Drumroll everyone!
Looks like we won't be hearing from Gunnerkrigg Court anytime soon...
And it looks like my job here is done.
Until next time, don't do anything illegal, because the eagle eye of Sonty Mick is always watching!