Thursday, November 8, 2007

Bear and Kitten

Hello, and welcome back to the award-winning blog of Sonty Mick. I trust that you have all had a very admirable couple of windy days (if there was no wind, then I hope that you didn't try to fly any kites. I am gentle as a lamb, and wouldn't wish an inconvenience like that on my worst enemy (Probably Miles Grover)).

For this, and other reasons, I feel pensive, but also a little bit sexy to be giving all of you a brand new review of a comic that I have read, and that I have found particularly awful. This comic is one that you may not have heard of, so I will tell you the title: Bear and Kitten.

Now I'm sure that warning flags have gone up in your heads right off the bat on this one. How would a comic about a bear and a kitten be interesting??? Well, if you have the talent and experience that I have, it's not too hard to think of a few ways:

  • The bear and the kitten could be lovers who are not allowed to wed, because one of them is an arctic princess.
  • The kitten could, in a surprising reversal of expectations, devour the bear. Possible ending scene of kitten hitchhiking to Vegas. Jack Black makes a guest appearance.
  • The bear and kitten are drug dealers in a future where drugs are legal and are sold out in the open with spectators watching.
  • Something like Gilligan's Island, but with a sci-fi twist where they are stuck in a small room.
  • The bear is an actor. The kitten is a director who tries to pressure the bear into doing comedy b/c the bear looks like Jack Black.
  • The bear looks like Jack Black and there are a lot of misunderstandings because the kitten mistakes him for Jack Black.
As you can see, these are all terrific ideas for Bear and Kitten, but unfortunately, Bear and Kitten does not go in any of these fine directions. Instead, it settles for stories like this. What a shame. So much wasted potential. Now nobody else will be able to make any of those other ideas that I suggested, because the title "Bear and Kitten" is already taken. Such a waste.

The kitten in this comic is not a real kitten; it does not leap after a bird that just came to get a bath. It is a kitten that begins to be decorative, but ends when the going gets tough. The bear is more true to life, but in more of an animatronic, banjo-playing kind of way. The kind where you want to take off your hat just to remind yourself what the inside of it looks like.

I've done that before.

If I were a king of a feudal state, and everyone else was in that time period, I would definitely let Andy (the author of Bear and Kitten) be a baron of some kind, not because I like his comics, but because I think that he would be good at that. After all, I did hear him called a "Baron of Webcomics" in a dream. Then later on in the dream I promised myself that it was true.

When I read this comic, I honestly wonder how Jack Black must feel when he's expected to take all these blah movies with OK premises and bring them to life with his energy, and his ability to be like that guy we all know. If there was somehow a Jack Black of the webcomics world who went around starring in all of the webcomics that needed an extra bit of oomph, then maybe more webcomics would be worthy of the big screen.

Can you imagine that? A big screen that instead of movies shows webcomics? Unbelievable! I'd want to see it! You can bet your bargains!

However, since scrolling down is a little easier than scrolling sideways, most really long comics are more vertical than horizontal. That wouldn't really work with the average theater.

You'd need some sort of exra-tall screen.

More on that later...

These characters seem to have serious problems with identifying themselves. I think that if they had to pick themselves out of a police lineup, they'd order coffee. That's not a cheeky way of saying that they have identity problems, that's a promise. And a promise unkept is like an eel that you can't catch. It's like missing dinner because you couldn't hunt eels. It's like crying.

So here's what I think that Bear and Kitten could do to improve: Change the comic. Give it an overhaul. You could even improve it by just adding some simple changes to the whole archive:

(You may have to zoom in to see it all, but it's SO much better.)

And now that I've gotten done with that, back to that tall-screen movie theater I was talking about. This is my vision about what movie theaters will look like in the future:

OK, so the review part of this post is over, I'd like to just let you all know that I won a few awards today. No big deal, you know. Just some awards for being so good at blogging.

The first one is the Third Attempt Award for Outstanding Blogging. I have been hoping to win this award for quite some time now, and I feel like I really deserved it. Here is the plaque that came with the award:

I also won the Outstanding Weblog Reviewing in Weblog Comic Reviewing: Sponsored by Steve Award. It is a very prestigious award, and I am actually the first person in the world who has ever been good enough to win it. I guess that says a few things about my blog... This image came with the award, and it's pretty amazing:

So as you can see, I have been serious all this time when I have said that this is an award winning blog. I am honored to have these awards, and I will add them to my growing collection. I am a very busy guy when it comes to winning awards.

(((~~::~~SONTY MICK~~::~~)))


Miles said...

Sonty Mick, you had better watch yourself. Some day you will be in a lot of trouble, and I will be there, taking notes.

David Durstewitz said...

A great review. Really highlights what makes Bear and Kitten so hysterically funny, and in a way that seems to be saying the exact opposite. The links are priceless. And Jack Black had better watch the fuck out - it's a matter of time before some Hollywood producer sees this and realizes how much better Kitten would be on the tall screen than Jack Black is on the big screen. Bear and Kitten, rock the fuck on.

will said...

1. Bear and Kitten is a really good webcomic.

2. Who are you, Maddox? Sorry, the "pompous asshole" character is way overdone nowadays. I think you should try "morose lonely man who takes to the internet and writes about something within a microcosm of life to feel 'expert' at something and validate his own pitiful existence". OH WAIT.

3. lol.

Hayley said...

i heart bear and kitten
really really hard.

Gabrek said...

Hmm. There are two possibilities here.
1) You're a self centered idiot, who genuinely thinks that you're the cream of the crop, awesome award winning /flex important really neat kind of guy and that having a blog means anything.
-If this is the case, you have absolutely no taste in art, humor, or sexual partners.
2) You're 100% brilliantly sarcastic- you can deliver a message that means exactly the opposite of the actual language used. As one guy commented- you pointed out the best parts of the strip, despite 'insulting' them.
-In this case, I tip my hat to you, across the board.

Me, being who I am, tend to believe #2. But, if you're the #1 kind of guy, here's a toast to the next porcupine that propels itself up yer pooper- I hope it arrives there soon!

Hehehe. #1. #2. Hehehhehehe.

Amarisse said...

My thoughts mirror that of gabrek's above.

Bear and Kitten is one of the smartest and adorably drawn comics to date.

Roflmao Se Tung said...

now looky here, jive turkey, that posts got potential, i'll show you what other potential i got, your mothers such a ho shes got more clap then an auditorium, mmhmm.

if you cant respect the genius that is Bear and Kitten then step the fuck off it, you mr clean lookin peckerwood. or i'll booger hook you back to brisco.

of all the mother fuckers on earth, you are the mother fuckest.

Newbs said...


I like you Sonty. You're the Stephen Colbert of webcomic critics.

Baku said...

Bear and Kitten is hilarious, Simon Cowell. Oh, I think I know what it is. Maybe the fact you think it's so 'stupid' is because you don't understand any of the jokes.

So stop jacking off to Bleach and get a life, asshole.

~Narnia~ said...

I want to give you a chance to say, "Oh but wait it was only a joke. I really like this comic...". But I'm afraid we'd be waiting a long time. Shame on you. Are you so talentless that you have to dish out insults on others art to make yourself feel better?

I hope that you get a hard lesson in moving to better yourself, like working yourself up to being a wanker. Perhaps then a hobo. And after that perhaps even an asshole. I shudder to think what your taste actually is.
And another shame on you just for good measure. :p

Ambience said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ambience said...

Sorry Sonty, I don't normally tell people they're wrong, but you are. Just to make sure I wasn't biased, I actually went back and read some of the archives, and past the fact that the humor fails and you bring up no legitimate reason for any of these webcomics' failures makes it hard to follow your train of thought.

1) Bear and Kitten is ridiculously funny. The brilliance lies in the crude pseudointellectual jokes delivered through remarkably cute characters. The concepts you present are probably the result of an over-drugged ADD-induced mindset, but not everybody enjoys reading improbably contrived plots. Besides, read your own examples again. There's no direction to take them. Each of your suggestions could be covered in maybe 5-6 strips max. A key to webcomics is sustainability, and being able to come up with new jokes within the framework, not just repeated sex and/or poop references made within the framework of one episode of Gilligan's or where one character dies right off the bat. Also, your obsession with Jack Black is disturbing.

2) Penny Arcade would not be the leviathan it is now if it weren't worth reading. Obviously, you must understand that it is geared towards a gaming community, so you shouldn't pan it simply due to your frustration at never figuring out how an NES controller works. Webcomics fill niches, and just because you don't understand it doesn't make it unfunny.

3) Alien loves Predator: New York Jokes. Please see above note. Some people just don't understand area humor.

That being said, you could probably find a million webcomics that actually ARE bad, but instead you're too lazy and just pick highly visible ones you just don't understand. Furthermore, I can understand if you were reviewing bad movies or comic books, but these are FREE INTERNET WEBCOMICS you're talking about. Nobody forced you to read the whole thing, so stop whining. Idiot.

Oh, and you should seriously thank Bear and Kitten for linking you so that you actually got people to read your unstructured rants. Otherwise, it would have just been you sitting alone in your room reading your own sad words to yourself into the dark night.

DKMC said...

You are not John Soloman.

Quit it.

Lou-Ann said...

You're a d0uchebag.

Bear and Kitten rocks!

Michael said...

Jack Black does not brighten my day as much as Bear and Kitten.
You lie.

C.L. Jahn said...

It's easy to see why no one pays you to review web comics; you don't know dick about it.
Bear & Kitten is one of the more refreshing comics out there, and ALIEN vs. Predator is easily one of the funniest on the web. I shudder to think what YOU think is good.

Sonty Mick - and this blog - gets a big thumbs down.

valerie said...

I discovered Bear and Kitten recently and it has quickly become one of my favorite web comics. It's addicting. It's funny and touching.

Lady Neptune said...

Bear and Kitten doesn't have to have a dynamic plot line for it's near surrealist sense of humor.
And all of the alternative ideas you listed were either horrible or just horribly cliche. And no one likes cliche.

!Sara! said...

Aahahah. People are stupid. Funny stuff.

the baber said...

Sonty do not listen to these people and keep doing what you are doing.

After reading the comics I know that at least one of them is racist against hobos and several of them have antiquated and draconian views on masturbation.

the baber said...

by comic I meant comment. that should be evident through context, but we know how readers of blogs and webcomics can be when it comes to such things.

ria said...

looking past the fact that your 'review' of "bear and kitten" is complete and utter trash...

i'm not so sure ANY of us can trust the words of a man who puts stock in an award given by the mind (i use that term loosely) behind "green circle".

Carolyn said...

"After reading the comics I know that at least one of them is racist against hobos and several of them have antiquated and draconian views on masturbation." Sorry "the baber", there is no such thing as "racist against hobos". See, "racist" means "prejudiced for or against a race." Are hobos a race? No, no they are not.

Sonty, if you are being sarcastic, you really need to make it abundantly clear. It does not come across well in your review. If you are dead serious, you probably have a brain tumor because Bear and Kitten is hilarious.

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Anonymous said...

Man Bear and Kitten is awesome.

W said...

Your sense of sarcasm really sucks. I mean, either its really really awful sarcasm..or its just that you have seriously bad taste in webcomics. I cant decide which.

Paul Segal said...

"The bear and the kitten could be lovers who are not allowed to wed, because one of them is an arctic princess."

I thought this comment was dangerously close to what it actually IS about (roommates who are not allowed to be lovers, because one of them is a surrogate older brother)

Anonymous said...

Bear and Kitten reminds me of that guy on amateur open mic night that tries really hard to be edgy and funny. You kinda want to life to make him feel better cause he is trying really hard, but why reward him for failing so miserably.

Anonymous said...

Bear and Kitten reminds me of that guy on amateur open mic night that tries really hard to be edgy and funny. You kinda want to laugh to make him feel better cause he is trying really hard, but why reward him for failing so miserably.

Anonymous said...

"if you have the talent and experience that I have"
and, presumably, the modesty...

Mate, seriously, many people find Bear and Kitten ace, and if you don't like it fair enough, but that's a point of view - it doesn't make it fact. You are not that special - you can't even write fludily.

I think it's adorable that you're so proud of an award given by nobodies to a nobody. Cute :p

This 'reviewer' is a classic Idiot On The Internet. Shame on me for even bothereing to comment.

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