Sunday, November 18, 2007

Dresden Codak

Just what is crap?

What does it take for a comic to not be good enough anymore? So that we call it a bad comic? How does it have to go wrong? What kind of problems need to arise that make it so bad that we call it crap? It's a question that most people answer without ever being asked. It's a question that takes a mind like that of Sonty Mick (me, for my new readers) to ask and answer.

I can tell you one thing right off the bat: If the comic that is so bad is on the web, then it is called a bad webcomic. That seems like a thing that you would know without even needing to ask, but you'll notice that if I hadn't pointed it out, you probably wouldn't have noticed. Also, it is called crap if it isn't any good.

Dresden Codak
is crap.

Now I know what you're all thinking. "But Sonty! Isn't Dresden Codak actually an OK webcomic?

No.

No.

No.

I can see what would make you start out along that line of thinking, but to say that Dresden Codak is actually OK is like saying that if you go out at sunrise, you will automatically catch a fish. You still need a fishing pole, a tackle box, a hook, bait/lures, and some water. It doesn't matter how good the sunrise is. It doesn't even matter if it's the best sunrise in history.

No sunrise can make it so you can catch fish without doing anything. Anybody who tells you something other than that is probably pulling your leg.

Dresden Codak has several problems. One of them is that when you read it, you remember certain tunes that you do not like, and then you get them stuck in your head. This is a problem that I try to avoid. In fact, I will often avoid going to grocery and convenience stores if there is a hit radio single that I hate and do not want to hear. Dresden Codak makes all of that pointless. From reading this comic I am now thinking about that song about beautiful girls where someone is suicidal.

What am I supposed to do with this?

The artwork in this comic reminds me A LOT of back when I used to go to my grandma's house, and I would not want to listen to the grown-up conversations, so I would have to go into the other room and watch stuff on the TV. Often, I would watch blooper and home video shows, and this molded me into who I am today.

Dresden Codak is like those shows, but where are all the bloopers? Where are the guys getting hit in the groin with objects that are moving toward their groins? Where are the dogs who bark too much and pee in the wrong places? Where are the babies who ask their mothers questions about bras in front of company?

They're nowhere to be seen. Dresden Codak just isn't about that kind of thing. The main point of it seems to be to set up your expectations and then not have something funny happen to a person's head. (for instance: hitting the street when a bike falls down)

I have honestly gone through the whole archive and not seen anything that even seemed hostable by Bob Saget.

This installment
is the biggest monument I have seen yet to the failure of Dresden Codak. The bear steals the girl's idea, but it does not fall off of a ladder. It does not scream because it is on an amusement park ride that goes upside-down. It doesn't even do a karate kick and split its pants. These things seem like small objections, but if there's one thing that my webcomic reviewing career has taught me, it's that the little things add up. They add up fast, to the point where I don't even want to deal with this anymore.

I will never read this comic again.

OK, so I guess I should probably do something constructive, and tell you all how Dresden Codak could be improved. It is a greatly painful thing for me to do, because every time I see this comic it strikes a hurtful nerve, and I sweat a lot. It's not the kind of thing that I like to admit, especially when my readers put me on a pedestal.

I'm going to try to fix it. It'll be hard...

OK, that was way, way too hard. This comic is clearly definitely beyond repair. I tried. You saw me try to save it, but it could not be done. There was nothing that I could do. Dresden Codak is just too bad. It is just too far from funny. It's just so bad.

It's like if you were on an airplane, and you felt kind of uncomfortable, and you kind of wished that you could get off the plane because you thought that in an hour or two you might feel sick, but you already payed for the ticket and are on the plane, so you really can't. It's like if you were trying to play some miniature golf using your neighbor's window wells as makeshift hazards, and then you broke one of his windows, so you put a ten dollar bill in the window through the hole, and then went inside so that nobody would see you, and then you looked out the window every now and then to see if he was doing any kind of reaction.

That's Dresden Codak for you. Just too disappointing. Just so bad that you can't do anything to fix it.

That's why I don't recommend it. Not even if you are stuck on an island and it is the only part of the internet that you can get to.

The End

(((##)*^*^*^Sonty Mick^*^*^*(##)))

65 comments:

Anonymous said...

You have no idea what you're talking about.

Anonymous said...

is this a joke or something? DC is one of the few actually smart comics on the web. why do you feel the need to tear it down?

Anonymous said...

This is either a very stupid and very misguided review, or some of the most brilliantly concealed sarcasm I have ever seen. The fact that I can't tell is a testament to how divisive DC is, I think.

Anonymous said...

Sonty, would you be willing to bear my offspring?

Anonymous said...

Do you put socks in your pants to increase the size of your bulge?

I think there are too many colors in DC.

Anonymous said...

Dude, either get better at sarcasm, or stop reviewing. You're just clogging up the tubes right now.

Anonymous said...

Sonty, have you had the terrible misfortune of perusing white ninja comics?

Justice must be served!

Anonymous said...

You know, satire only works if you offer an opinion different enough from what's obviously true that you can't be confused with other idiots. And you're on the internet. There are a lot of idiots.

Ben N. said...

At a point, I thought these were serious reviews. Now I think you're either stupid or trying to be satirical and failing. DC is bloody awesome.

Anonymous said...

This blog is made of fail. No one with significant internet exposure will actually think that you are being sarcastic. Instead, you come across to many as an arrogant misguided person with an inferiority complex who thinks that he/she is notable for winning badly drawn "awards" which were made Microsoft Paint ("Adobe Photoshop is for nubs.") by non-notable people.

Also, put less effort into your "replacement" comics, so as to make it look like you actually know that the comic writers/artists can draw better than you, otherwise people will think that you think (misguidedly) that you are an excellent artist, but fail miserably.

In short:
Please, make your sarcasm much more obvious.

the sick monty said...

Anonymous is right. I have lots of internet exposure and that is how i can tell that you are either telling a joke or you are not telling a joke.


Basically i agree with anonymous, although i wish he would have just said it once instead of like 8 times. but since i agree with anonymous and i don't agree with you (sonty mick) i know that you are the one that is wrong (sonty mick is the one that is wrong) and anonymous is right.

your comic is not funny and neither is a bear splitting its karate pants.

Anonymous said...

Oh man, I did not think it could get better than XKCD, but it did on the very next post!

Anonymous said...

For the love of Pete, quit trying to be Maddox. Maddox is funny, clever, and insightful, so he has the right to stroke his own ego and demand that people tell him he's awesome.

You, however, have no sense of satire, and your writing style is confusing and tedious. Try reading about satire before you assume you're so good at it. Here's the first Google result I found, it might help you:

http://www.marco.org/231

And just a tip: Satire usually requires that you say something that has something to do with what you're satirizing. Quit making up random, nonsensical reasons why these webcomics suck, and try being clever for once.

Anonymous said...

Let me tell you something. I don't care about Dresden Kodaks. I don't care about XKCDs. I don't even listen to CDs, I have an ipod.

But even a man such as me can see that Sonty Mick is the hero here, sir

and that you are the fool.

Who else has the guts to stand up to the web comic fat"cats"* that run Bear and Kitten? Who has the sheer lancing wit required to go toe-to-toe with *Miles Grover* in the heady ring of web comics criticism and win?

Sonty Mick has run the gauntlet. He has proved himself. He has won awards. What have you done? Where is your critically-reputed webcomics blog?**

For that matter, where is Aaron Diaz's?

What right. What right, I ask you.


*I know you got that one, Sonty. We'll laugh while the rest of these idiots try to figure it out ;D

**This goes out to all the haters, not just you.

Ryth said...

I hate reading reviews, especially sarcastic ones. Moreover, I hate reading poorly written sarcastic reviews.

Your delivery is simply terrible, sir. You disguise it behind a loquacious sarcastic demeanor, but when you peal back the layers your writing falls short. It's tacky and wordy, not to mention arbitrary and dull.

I would venture to say the mediocrity of these reviews runs so deep that even your extreme analogies simply lack flavor or even an edge. Let's face it, you fall short even when you're trying to insult. Next time, please, let's stop pussy-footing around and start clubbing some baby seals.

So, my suggestion to you is to grow the nerves to really put up some excellent , grade A slander. Otherwise, there are some more docile hobbies you could take up. Perhaps nitting.

Anonymous said...

Boring joke. It's not even taking advantage of what you're joking about. You can replace Dresden Codak with nearly any webcomic and it won't change anything.

Ashley said...

You are a terrific idiot to write off something because you don't understand it.

I guess that makes you really good at the internet, though, so cheers.

Anonymous said...

that guy who gave you the third attempt reward has a webcomic. you should review it because its bad.

Big D said...

Either you are trying desperately to rip on a quality comic or you are trying to be sarcastic. Either way you fail. Also you have the writing talents of a seventh grader.

Anonymous said...

Sonty Mick please listen carefully because what I am about to say could not, but by the grace of God himself - or supported by ceaseless soliloquy, or trumpeted by monarchic heralds or found used and disused as a scrap of urbanite poetry in the sewers of Jungian consciousness - please, listen carefully, because what I am about to say to you could not be more true: you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Anonymous said...

im going to make thi concise(unlike your blog)
either
A. you were trying to be ironic, but nobody can tell, because you write like a 10year old
or
B. you were serious, but you write like a 10year old who has been told that using enough analogies will make you right, it doesn't .
either way you fail

Anonymous said...

Sonty Mick why do the people hate you so? Is it because you have stumbled to close to the Truth? Perhaps they are afraid to see things as they truly are. Perhaps they are like horses tied to buggies with their blinders so firmly attached that they have forgotten that there is anything to either side. Perhaps they are scared of losing their blinders; perhaps they are afraid if they keep reading, your award winning reviews will grab hold of their blinders and wrench them off and then they will see the world as it really is and this scares them

I. B. Trippen said...

I think your problem is you're too hung up on specific interpretations and aren't letting the comics be what they want to be. Either that or your sarcasm is too subtle. Dresden Codak is not Bloopers--not by a long shot. It is the introduction of actual scientific ideas and themes into webcomics in a way that I haven't seen before, even in self-proclaimed scifi comics like Starslip Crisis or Schlock Mercenary.

Anonymous said...

This is very clearly not meant to be taken seriously, but that doesn't mean it's good. It's a textbook case of blog trolling, so don't pay much attention.

Anonymous said...

"Where are the guys getting hit in the groin with objects that are moving toward their groins? Where are the dogs who bark too much and pee in the wrong places? Where are the babies who ask their mothers questions about bras in front of company?

They're nowhere to be seen. Dresden Codak just isn't about that kind of thing.
"

Haha. It all makes sense now. You want everything to go your way and you expect every web comic you find to have SOME KIND of mistake that isn't in your liking, and then you spend too much of your time to try and shoot it with the worst excuses possible to get people to hate it and not read it. Maybe that's why people are just giving you awards for no reason. Oh! You just want praise. Yeah, that's it.

Now I'll just go laugh at your articles... They're just as bad, if not, worse then the original movies on the Sci-fi channel. Woo hoo.

Anonymous said...

i agree wit the guy above. it feels like your jus looking for somethin to pass the time. though mick, i cant argue that your posting your own opinion. everyone has their owns tastes on everything. but for once, find a web comic that fits you so we dont have to hear another rant from you. sometimes i see your point, but you're only aiming at the bad stuff. find a comic that you think is actually good

Anonymous said...

Bear&Kitten. Penny Arcade. Now Dresden Codak? ADHD idiots like Sonty who are too dumb to understand humor more complex than a half-episode of Looney Tunes do not deserve to have their thoughts put into words. You are a disgrace to humanity and a waste of good oxygen. Kill yourself.

i know a frenchman when i see him said...

Are you just here to practise English as a second language?

DC is one of the smartest Web comics in the world. But all the best with your English.

Anonymous said...

I thought for a second you were being serious... until I realized you would have to be a dumb shit to think half those things you posted. If this be satire, you really suck dick at it. That aside, the one thing that bugs me is how shitty this bad review is written... you are not meant to write, so do everyone on the intarwubs a favor and try a different medium of expression instead of sucking up out precious time.

Anonymous said...

I hope youre not serious. I couldnt really tell, but i think i caught some sarcasm. Otherwise, youre a child. I think it is a beautiful, rich, deep comic that goes for more than laughs and delves into what could become our world. Course, i think you probably already knew that, being all sarcastic and all...

Anonymous said...

You don't have to have degrees
in physics, literature, and
philosophy (as I do) to appreciate
Dresden Codak... you could be simply
well-read and very insightful.
Whether you have the degrees or not,
you'd better be self-taught, if you
are going to be somebody who really
"gets" DC. Oh, and read it at least
three times. If you didn't read it
at least three times, you probably
missed it.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and don't feel bad if you didn't
get it after the third reading... maybe it's just not for you. Try
"Garfield."

Anonymous said...

Are you trying to steal some of DC's thunder?
Making fun of a web comic to get attention?
VERY ORIGINAL.

Karl Hallowell said...

I noticed a serious lack of porn link spam in this thread. Please think of the page rank! Your thread could be a thriving colony of thousands of links to fly-by-night porn sites rather than whatever it is now. Think how much of an improvement it'd be!

Zepherius said...

I can't decipher your motives for writing these bizarre things, and I swear I'm trying. It's dull though, and a detriment to what the webcomic writers are trying to do.

= Blocking the tubes.

Anonymous said...

I don't want to repeat anything anyone else has said so I'm going to try to keep my intense indignation for this review short. Are we really considering "bloopers", America's funniest home videos, and idiot x hitting idiot y in the head with a brick funny? When did humor have to devolve into something that only appeals to the lowest common denominator? This opinion is perfectly tragic.

Anonymous said...

I was willing to give this review a chance and see if there were any points made. It was ridiculously difficult to read. Your english skills are not very good, and that made your points all the more obscure, particularly the one where you state Dresden Codak is bad because it is bad. Logic has failed you my friend.

Anonymous said...

Sonty, you are my new hero. I have a thing for trolls. Expect a new award sometime when I'm not too busy raping Alliance in the World of Warcraft.

Alexander said...

Complete and utter fail. I have never read such incoherent rantings of someone so jealous of another's talent. The only reason you've done this is to get more attention to your blog.

And hey look! It worked, congratulations! Now everyone knows you're an idiot.

Anonymous said...

so your the type of guy that complains to the manufacturer when your new shoes wont let you jump 2 meters in the air, or when your computer dosent give you fresh soap everymorning

good luck in life my friend, you'll really need it

Anonymous said...

Get a life. This kid has more talent in his pinky finger than you would ever hope to have. If you had watched him draw these comics in such a dedicated way as I, you would see genious, passion and commitment, as well as intellectual and artistic talent. Something that your baseless rant shows that you lack.

Anonymous said...

Remember back in the days when there was still a discernible line between satire and stupidity?

I miss those days.

Anonymous said...

I was going to leave a rant, but it seems everyone else has done it for me. Maybe web comic reviews are not your thing. Stick with Family Circus.

Anonymous said...

Aaron Diaz fanboys should suck their own dicks. George Foreman and Muhammad Ali were both good boxers. Sonty mike is funny as shit.

Anonymous said...

I must admit, dear sir, that this review is a finely crafted work of art.

These comments are fuckin' hysterical. Well done.

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Anonymous said...

It's been done to death, but I'd like to round this thread out with a nice "you suck."

Anonymous said...

"Let me tell you something. I don't care about Dresden Kodaks. I don't care about XKCDs. I don't even listen to CDs, I have an ipod.

But even a man such as me can see that Sonty Mick is the hero here, sir

and that you are the fool.

Who else has the guts to stand up to the web comic fat"cats"* that run Bear and Kitten? Who has the sheer lancing wit required to go toe-to-toe with *Miles Grover* in the heady ring of web comics criticism and win?

Sonty Mick has run the gauntlet. He has proved himself. He has won awards. What have you done? Where is your critically-reputed webcomics blog?**

For that matter, where is Aaron Diaz's?

What right. What right, I ask you.


*I know you got that one, Sonty. We'll laugh while the rest of these idiots try to figure it out ;D

**This goes out to all the haters, not just you."




Quit commenting on your own blog.

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Fuzzy Dunlop said...

sometimes i read these reviews and i agree with them.

then i read these comments and never agree with them. most of these comments are worse than the webcomics that they defend.

these people are way behind the curve when it comes to grasping bleeding edge web-culture idioms such as the ones that Sonty Mick uses.

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Anonymous said...

My god, every review of his comic is almost exactly like this. Everyone's constantly gallivanting about how bad the art is and the story, and yet his art is fantastic. And if I recall all the reviews, he isn't even a jerk in reality. Or nothing says he is, like the artist of VG cats. So what did Diaz do? Kick your puppy? Steal your lunch money? All these reviews seem biased on an issue that ISN'T his work, so what is it? What is keeping these reviewers from taking an actually constructive and positive look at anything he does? Because knocking the fact that his subject matter is cyborgs and academia just seems too damn petty. It's not unlike branding him a nerd and giving him wedgies or something.