What does a true child look like? If I had to guess I'd say this:
This is the truth about children. This is what it means to be young and pull punches. If I was a small child, I would not look like this, because I would not wear such a crappy pink robe that looks like it's from a pawn shop, and I would not hold that bear. I would do an experiment with it by letting it go and seeing what happened. It's just clipart, so how do we know the regular laws of physics would apply???
The laws of physics are here for us, but only if we are real objects in real space. I'm sure you've all seen movies or flash advertisements if you spend most of your time on the computer. You'll notice that those worlds are not the same thing. That's what truth is about. Truth is what's real that you can actually experience. Untruth is CRAP. That's what the kind of children that we probably want are the kind that are true?
So what if the children weren't true?
What if instead they were sad?
Seems pretty improbable when I phrase it like that, doesn't it? Yeah, that's probably because I was using semantics. Pretty good, I know.
But yes. If there were sad children then I guess what they would need would be some pictures, huh? Maybe some big pictures? Maybe some small pictures? Maybe even some of the pictures could be upside down because that would be kind of unusual and maybe it would get the kid to laugh.
But no. When children get sad, the only pictures that they are allotted are these. How...sad.
Pictures for Sad Children. It's a comic on the web, and boy does it pack away the laughs in a safe that not even a really good criminal could get them out of even if he had a bunch of equipment and explosives and a glass that he could hold up to the safe and put his ear on the other side and listen to the old clicks as the pins or whatever did whatever they do in order to open.
I think that the author has some jokes, but he's ACTUALLY trying to keep them from us. He's taunting us by showing us that there are jokes and then not telling us them. Here's an example.
It's the kind of thing that would make the children...MAD.
OK, here's a list of just a few things about the comic that make the children mad.
- It's impractical. Does this look like the best way to make a comic? I don't think so.
- It seems like the guy who wrote it is the sort of guy who grows his hair out, and then he waits and waits for everyone to get used to it, and he even gets it on his drivers license, but then when we all accept him as a long haired man, that's when he cuts it. It makes EVERYONE uncomfortable. I mean, just look at this installment.
- No good social networking features on the website. Why can't these sites serve more than one purpose?
- No references. This comic would have been the perfect place to drop a line from Free Willy, but does the author take the opportunity? No! He wants to live in a cultural vacuum! Wow, good idea Mr. I hope you like living with dust.
True boredom is when you're on an airplane and you don't hear anything over the intercom for so long that you start to feel lonely.
True boredom is when you are on a tiny planet and you are the only alien who lives there, and the only thing you can do for fun is play an alien game where you have to dare yourself to shut your eyes for certain amounts of time.
True boredom is when you have your own ocean, but boats haven't been invented yet, and you can't figure out how to make one, and you're all out of resources.
True boredom is when you work at a job where you help scientists do experiments to figure out how long a man can think about his own legs in one go.
True boredom leads to bored children.
Pictures for Sad Children is pure true boredom. It's probably one of the main reasons that not as many people read the newspaper these days. I'll have to check sometime. If anybody knows the phone number for one of the most important newspapers, leave it here, and I'll try reviewing it as soon as I get the chance (keep in mind, I keep busy.)
So why don't I like this comic? Lots of reasons. Some of them are private, but there are some public ones. For instance, if I were reading it in public I would feel very strange.
I would feel like I was a cancer researcher who accidentally discovered the ultimate way to cause cancer, and it was the only thing I discovered all year, and my mom was trying to ask me what I had discovered that year, and it was really awkward because my only discovery was one that could kill people.
I also dislike the comic's use of perspective. Why do things always have to be in the distance?
(If it's small in the picture that means it's far away. See here)
I also dislike everything else about the comic. Sonty fans take note: Don't enjoy this comic or you will be disagreeing with your hero!
So put yourself in the position of a child. If you saw this comic then how the heck would YOU feel? This is audience participation! Put your answer as a comment!